Falling
by AMETSUkai
Summary: Shizuo Heiwajima has love Izaya Orihara since the moment he saw him... but at the same time, he believed that   no matter what, he will never be able to reach him. /YAOI/  goes together with The Death of Me


_As promised, another one shot with Shizuo's point of view. I would really appreciate if you tell me which one you liked better... and hope that the characters are not too out of character._

**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara.**

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><p>I hate him... But at the same time I love him.<p>

I hate him, because I love him. Or maybe I hate him because he will never be mine. I don't know...

God, why does he always has to come to Ikebukuro! I want to forget him! I want to kill this feeling I have for him! And sometimes, at times when I think that I succeeded, that I have managed to rid my thoughts of him, he will appear in front of me and my feelings will come rushing again... They will be stronger and stronger by each time. And I hate it... Hate these stupid feelings. Hate this unrequited love...

And so I chase him away... Trying at the same time to chase away the feelings I have for him. Just like I am doing right now.

It's always been like this. I am always chasing after him. Always running after him: trying to reach him, to catch him, but never able to do so. And it's yet another reason why I hate him.

I may be contradicting myself: saying that I want to chase him away, and then that I want to catch him... hold him and never let go... But honestly, I don't understand it myself.

WHY IS IT SO HARD AND CONFUSING!

I don't know what I am doing! I know that I have hated him the moment I saw him! Because at that very moment I fell in love with him. It must be some kind of divine punishment for sure.

Love... why did human even come up with _love. _It's too hard to understand. Really, _why_? It's easier to live without it... even if it's impossible. People are looking for love night and day, but it's a narcotic into our blood, it's poisoning our blood… So why? Why did people create _'love'_.

I hate him... I hate him for many things. For the way he is looking down at everybody, hate him for being so high, hate him for being so damn unreachable for everyone!... especially for me. In fact I don't understand why is he even bothering with me. We are from completely different worlds after all.

But right now, we are in a small alley... with a dead end.

To tell the truth I am surprised that he drove himself to a dead end...

I slowly take steps towards him as he is calmly leaning on the wall. I let his name slip from my lips in a low growl. I keep our eyes locked, afraid to even blink, and find that he ran away again... Yeah.. this time I don't want to let him go... Just this once maybe I will... what?

What can I do? I am confused... Maybe I should just beat him up and...

He takes out his knife and swings at me. My glasses fall on the ground as I jump back while avoiding the attack. I take advantage of the fact that he is distracted by my glasses falling and manage to knock the knife out of his hands and slam him into the wall holding him up by his throat.

I make it so he is on an eye level with me, as I swing my fist back ready to hit him. I am afraid that I may hit him too hard and kill him... but I can't just let him go now... I will never hear the end of it if I do.

However as I start bringing it down, the look in his eyes changes from mocking into something... calm? Happy?

How can he be so calm when he knows that the next moment he may as well be dead! I try not to think about it as I bring my fist down, but then his eyes slide closed and a gentle smile finds its way on his lips...

And I hit the wall. On the last moment I managed to change the course of my punch, so I will hit the wall. God, why did he have to smile like that at me? Why?

I look into his eyes, to see them wide in shock. Sure, he didn't think that his sworn enemy will miss at such close distance...

My body starts trembling from the hurt that I am trying to hold in... really... why did he smile like that? I want to die at this very moment... because as far as he didn't show anything that was somehow kind and gentle in my presence, I could pretend that these feeling don't exist.

God, I must be crazy.. I don't even know what I am thinking about now... I am just desperate... desperate to make him MINE!

I see his lips open to say something, but I could care less at the moment, because this might be my only chance... I take the opportunity of his shocked state and slam my lips on to his, my tongue diving into his mouth.

At the moment our lips connected I really didn't care about anything and thought that I could never be any happier than the moment I managed to kiss him... But I was proven wrong rather soon, because no matter how much I think about it, I won't change the instance he started kissing me back for all treasures in the world.

If there was at least an ounce of doubt in me whether I love him, it vanished. Because I am sure, that even if I was not already in love with him, I would have fallen for him because of that one kiss. I really couldn't contain myself anymore. I slipped my hand from his throat into the back of his neck and pushed my body more into him, wanting... needing to feel more of him, to fill his thoughts with me, to make him go crazy just like he had done to me...

With delight I felt how his hands found their way up my chest and around my neck, treading through my hair and pulling me even closer as if afraid that I will let go of him. But little did he know, that I will never let him go... even if he begged me to.

With my free hand I started caressing that body of his: sliding up his chest, stroking the skin right above his heart... feeling his fast heartbeat against the palm of my hand. Then I let my hand wander to his pants, trying to undo them, but those stupid pants didn't seem to want to come off, so I simply ripped them without feeling an ounce of guilt.

I let go of his lips, only to attach them to his neck kissing it, biting it, marking it for all to see, so no one will even dare to think about getting close to what is _mine_.

Soon I felt him wrap his legs tightly around my waist and start grinding into me. It didn't take a genius to understand what he wanted, and God, it made me happy, that he wanted this as much as I do. So I lifted my fingers to his mouth, but instead of taking them, he crushed his lips onto mine. And God, that kiss was something: hungry, addicting and oh so demanding.

I moaned into the kiss when I felt his hand touching me down there. Honestly I don't even know when he managed to unbutton my pants, and didn't care really. I wanted to lose myself to the sensations, to the feelings. I was ready for and wanted everything he is willing to give to me... but I was not ready for what he did.

I broke the kiss and stared at him shocked and tried to pull away, but he just wrapped legs tighter around my waist and pulled me fully into him.

We stood like that for some time. It took me everything not to moan and start moving the moment I felt him around me, but I didn't want to hurt him... and I knew that it must have already hurt badly. Maybe someday I will ask why he did it, but right now it didn't matter that much to me, because he started rocking against me.

I started moving too, meeting him in a slow rhythm at first, but by each thrust I began going faster and faster unable to contain myself but still holding back, so not to break him. In my arms he felt so fragile..., I wanted to make him feel good, I wanted to protect him, I want to be there for him, to catch him when he falls, to hold him when he's down... I wanted to be his; just as much I wanted him to be... mine.

My vision clouded as we neared the end... I couldn't hold myself any longer when I felt him tighten around me. I swear, if living people can see heaven, I saw it at that moment... with him.

After we held each other, standing in the alley, not caring a bit about the time. I couldn't help but smile... He felt was so warm in my arms with his head resting on my shoulder like that... so right.

I gently lifted his chin and looked at his flushed face falling in love with him all over again. Then I kissed him with as much gentleness as I could master, wanting to show him with my action what I felt for him. When I leaned back, I put a hand on his cheek making him look into my eyes as I said those words to him.

His eyes showed shock at first, but then they filled with tears that started running down his face. And I couldn't stop the smile from spreading on my face as I saw one appear on his. His hands held me tighter, as if afraid I would disappear.

I couldn't help a little chuckle that escaped my lips at his actions, and leaned in to kiss away his tears whispering reassuringly to him.

He just started crying more and buried his face on my chest. Not knowing what to do, I started softly stroking his hair. And then he said words that I didn't expect to hear as an answer to my confession... but I guess, that was his way of saying that he loves me. And I couldn't help but agree with his words, because they were true for me too... Because my love for him, drives me to insanity...

"You will be the death of me... Shizuo..."

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><p><em>Well, here it is! Don't forget to drop a couple of words to make your humble servant happy.<em>

_With love. _


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